Kicking The Habit

One of the benefits of living alone, is the absence of annoying habits. Other than your own, of course. The latter are not noticed naturally and fortunately. Over the years, I have encountered various habits others have mentioned that are worth commenting on just in case you are one of the offenders and can make the world a happier place by JUST STOPPING IT! Road habits often foster annoyances and to avoid same, one must either pull over and calm down, or take another route. But when you are on the freeway, there is no relief.  One road irker is the slow driver. These people seem to enjoy being in the left or passing lane and making it their home. When you finally have a chance to get around them, they speed up and ride on your bumper. Another highway toothache is the driver who is giving a discourse to everyone in the car and flailing hands about while going first fast, then slow, according to the rhythm of the conversation. The bumper beetle is yet another problem when you are doing the speed everyone else in front of you is, and passing is not going to award him or her, a clear road ahead. Then you have the restaurant nuisance. The loud talkers enjoy eating establishments as their stages. This kind of orator feels the need to expound widely as much as a parliamentarian on Question Period day. You have to remind yourself that this kind will eventually have to put something into its mouth other than its foot. Alas, some can eat and talk all at the same time. All one is left with is to be grateful that  you are not forced to share a table with them. Added to the megaphone talker problem is the one who knows few other adjectives and/or interjections than the over-worked  word beginning with the sixth letter of the alphabet. Speaking of eating, the worst habit I have encountered ever, is the lunch bagster whom you must sit beside in the examination hall. During an exam that takes sweating hours at break-neck speed to complete all the essay answers, you don't want to be driven insane by his rattling lunch bag and loud chewing not to mention the  other worse associated digestive sounds. Giving this sort, glaring eyes doesn't work. I tried it on a blond macho hunk writing his basketball test, who looked back, cheeks stuffed, and said with his ham and cheese showing, "What?" Snoring is likely king of the sounds that causes marriage mayhem. Both men and women are guilty.  Men, however, have the upper hand or I should say, nose, when it comes to volume. I have heard of marriages coming to the breaking point over these night clarions. I am talking threats with iron frying pans here, not divorce break-up. Now I know why people have multiple bedrooms. Tapping fingernails, tooth sucking, eyebrow plucking, hair strand yanking, jiggling knees, knuckle cracking and throat clearings fall under the label of things you might miss but not too much when your mate disappears. One of my widow pals said wistfully, "Oh what I wouldn't give to hear that snore; I'd never complain again.'" The response sighing loudly, I gave her, "My dear, I couldn't disagree with you more."