Blogger Rights

It is annoying to be told that you shouldn't blog certain topics because they are too personal. First of all, no one has the right to tell a writer what to write. A writer assumes, as a writer,  the rules of good taste and  attention to the usual legal aspects, but other than  naming names or locations, what goes into a blog is the penner's unilateral decision. On occasion, we bloggers or writers  as I like to name those who publish even in this modest way, are accused by irate acquaintances that you have "done them wrong" when, in fact, merely you may have used a related event to describe a situation concerning them in part, upon which you want to comment. These sorts read into blogs something sinister that lurks exclusively in their own minds. As a blogger, I have no intention of cutting topics or denying experiences in order to expand upon them in writing. That is, folks, what it's all about. It's just a blog among millions and nothing serious and world shattering. I suppose my advice to such individuals, is to avoid reading blogs that you choose to take personally. If your name isn't in there, it "ain't" about you. Bloggers are diarists or journalists who throw out their ideas and life stories without trepidation. And well they should. I always use Samuel Pepys and his diary as proof. He posted his observations and very human takes on what was going on around him and also those right under his nose. What arose from his opinions and comment on the day, made for all of us, a record of his times. I suppose bloggers do the same even though on a minute scale. For most of us, it is impossible not to run to the keyboard and hammer in whatever emotions or happenings dig deeply enough to cause the passion to get it all down in words. When that urge enters, nothing else matters but to record your senses of it in how you viewed the situation that occurred. It's a kind of purging of the soul, if there is such a thing. Also, as is part of everyone, often times an epiphany seems to occur within one and the only thing that matters is to hie off to the computer corner and get it all down before the moment disappears. It is not great literature, nor is it of any importance to a single other person perhaps, but to the inveterate blogger, it is all that matters and it must, under any circumstances of time or place, be set down verbally. I suppose after the initial release of the blogging song is over, comes the matter of editing. Editing is the worst part if you are, as I am, one of these who copies written pieces "just in case". Right after having checked the bit by reading it closely and publishing it to the site, you read the printed copy and there you see that you have missed a punctuation or left out a key word or have used a term badly and back to the "edit" page you go. The sneerers out there will surely laugh at you, you think, therefore, you read the piece again and, sure enough, you do find another spot where you might have expressed yourself more succinctly and less expansively, thus a further editing is needed . Editing never ends unless you do, and there comes a time to quit.  Each time you return to your "bloody blog" as mine was described probably accurately, once, you become another "hit". It adds up to making you look rather numerically popular but, in truth, it is only you, examining your blog yet another time. Alas. It's a mad, mad world out there and blogging makes it fun and in a way, creative. Whether anyone reads it, or likes it, or not.

Condo Crises

Condos are becoming a necessary home for many people who do not want to, or cannot own their own private homes. The cost of a private home in a large city takes a good chunk of an annual salary to maintain. It isn't simply a matter of taxes. Utilities, insurances, repairs and renovations or changes, amount to such high costs that many, even families with children, are considering going the condo route. While the original cost of a unit or townhouse seems relatively high, the maintenance of the entire complex is shared. The inside of the owner's unit is the responsibility of the individual but the infrastructure up-keep is borne by the group of owners who have bought the whole structure jointly and severally. New condos present a wise purchase since everything, including the appliances, roofing, grounds and inner wall matters, is new and thus reliable. Or should be. Old condos are cheaper but the "tried and true" adage cannot readily be applied. Like older people, condos have problems of aging that are undeniable. One must beware when purchasing what looks like a bargain older, "well kept" unit. In an area of aging strata developments all may appear settled and well in hand, but what you see is not what you get always. Water leaks are becoming one of the most expensive claims that many condos are facing. It is relatively easy to replace a roof or pave a driveway but water leaks cause not only intense personal stress and damage, they are a sign that old systems such as piping and electrical matters need to be replaced in the entire place. In one complex, copper piping is showing age leaks and, one after another suites, must be torn up to search out the water systems, the piping removed, and new conduits put in. The cost of such improvements and repairs is sky high and owners are faced with increased fees. Many people who thought they were safe from high home costs are often assessed by their condo councils, well beyond their capabilities and some have trouble finding loans to keep their homes. A few end up "on the street" or finding accommodation they did not plan for. The only possible comfortably affordable route is for the complex to take out a corporate loan and pass the payment burden down to the owners in smaller amounts but with longer periods of pay back. this, of course, sees re-sales bothered and insurance companies champing at the bit. At the same time, they must guard against unscrupulous repair service folk, some of whom may see it as a cash cow. What to do? The only words I can think of are buyers beware. 

Pesky Exes

What is it that causes some women to cling to their former relationships? They go under the guise of "just being friendly" but their true reasons seem much more suspect if you are the target. Their calls and e mails come when you are with your mate or sneaky  times when they hope you aren't there, which is worse. They cause a lot of discomfort and they jolly well know it. My hairdresser complained about her boyfriend being called by his ex in the middle of a private evening to plead with him to come take her home from a party at which she had over-indulged.  Being a kindly guy, he did, after informing his current girlfriend that he had to rescue this female from a bad situation. His present lover seethed.  "What could I do but help the poor girl?" wailed the guy when he returned. That is the part that mystifies me. There are taxis. I suppose Miss Incumbent should have gone along to pick up the ex, but that would be embarrassing and also witness that her boyfriend is not trusted. It all adds up to that fact that when a relationship is over, it's over. O-V-E-R  The "keeping in touch" or "just being friendly" is a tactic that is obviously  or subversively meant to put a rift into the new one. These women who persist in clinging "innocently" are not innocent. They know perfectly well that they shouldn't interfere. They know exactly what they are doing and the implications thereof. Mostly it is not fair to themselves. By continuously pestering their former boyfriends' or husbands' relationships, they are not moving on, no matter how inane their e mails and phone calls are meant. Like gnats, they buzz about making a nuisance of themselves . Asking them politely to stop, usually doesn't work. They love being pests and hope that their interference will cause problems in the new relationship. Unfortunately, men are not able to detect what is happening or perhaps don't want to, and wide-eyed, ask "What's the problem? It's all perfectly straight forward. It's just a ..." Well, it isn't, ladies, it's time the ex got a life and stopped the habit. Sometimes the ex whinnies that she is "just being friendly and what's wrong with that?" What's wrong with it, is about the same wrong as a mosquito constantly whining. It is annoying. Ignoring it, is likely the best tactic and also letting your mate know each time it occurs, that it bothers you. It will draw his attention to how you feel each and every time it happens. It is not nagging, it's expressing not only your rights but your needs.
 

Label Fable

Labels used to be hidden under collars and were not to be seen. If a label happened to peep out, some kind soul would tuck it back inside. But in these times of what-really-counts-is-money, labels have come out. They have come out on clothing and accessories, vehicles and just about anything that can be touted on TV or sashayed down the street. I heard that one young woman whose parent sent her to a classy school in Southern California to advance in her sport, came home in tears because everyone laughed at her handbag that didn't have the current fashion label on it. Out of curiosity, I looked the label up on-line and the handbag began at five or six hundred dollars and went from there to something in the thousands. When I explored further into handbag prices, I was overwhelmed to learn that this "school bag" was among the less costly fashion-conscious woman's casual accessories. Her special ones were valued at the price of a  newish car. I won't get into the prices of scarves and key-rings. Let us  move into the cost of a fashion maven's clothing. A complete outfit including jewelry could snap up a nice little bachelor suite somewhere. In this day of natural disasters requiring great amounts of cash to offer relief, in these times of street people desperate for suitable shelter, in our need for cancer research to help millions, does spending this kind of money to drape on a body make sense? Of course not. It's unconscionable. Labels also flaunt on appliances in homes, baby clothing and accessories, sports goods, even food. "Oh, I don't shop for groceries in that place. Everything is too cheap there." Anyone who speaks like this is part of the problem, not the solution. When asked "why don't you shop there?", the answer is about the store's policies. If you are poor, you have no choice. You go where the prices dictate. Every penny counts. Every single one. And it is isn't just labels made of cloth. Another label that is becoming ridiculous is the "white teeth" label. One's teeth cannot be natural, they must hang out there in stark snow white whether it looks natural or not. The cost of bleach high but having the same teeth replaced with caps is horrendous.  I think of a certain media star - they become stars now simply by reading scripts and having pretty faces and plenty of hair pieces - whose teeth are what you see and all you see. The dazzle of white enamel blinds the message this poor woman purports to give. Jaws move over. That smile must crimp her mortgage payments. Labels come on everything, even dogs. You have to research the most popular dog breed if you want to visit the dog park with your canine. If your kids go to school, it has to be the best one "or you won't get the job you want when you grow up". Parents are very aware of labels. Their kids come home from school and educate their parents on that subject. We are label sick. But hope is not lost. Market gardens, trends to smaller domiciles, back to nature movements and sanity in family shopping and management, are gradually quelling the label avalanche that has sucked so many into its vortex. Certainly, we must buy with fairness in mind but if there are extra dollars, they can be spent on good sense and sharing rather than labels that advertise only greed.

At The Controls?

There are lots of ways to control people or situations. Most of them are subtle. When you feel the weight of servitude resting on your shoulders, you are likely being controlled in some way by some force. There are time controls, facility controls and emotional controls among the many kinds. There are those who love to control and don't think they are doing so but when they are successful, it makes them feel so good that they want more. They feel empowered and victorious. How do you know when you are under the yoke of control? When someone puts a time frame on what you do or tells you their feelings are affected by what you do or if you find yourself in a situation that is resolved only when someone else is satisfied but you don't feel so, you are being controlled. When you feel under pressure to meet the needs of others while suppressing your own needs and wants, you are being controlled. Often control can be beneficial but only if you agree to that form. When you go to work and your boss lays out the plan and you understand it and opt to continue, you are actually in control of the situation yourself. There is agreement to the control system. But if you find that new demands have been added, you may lose control and feel frustrated and unhappy. Leaving the job might be the only way to get back your dignity. Better still, state the changes and re-negotiate your job position and terms of acceptance. It's fair. You are being controlled beyond your consent. Another example might be in a relationship where one partner begins to tip the balance using emotional means to gain power over the other. "Call me and I will give you an answer" is control. Why should you do the calling? The controller can call you. State that or you allow yourself to be controlled. Small things can be controllers. Watch for them. Families are famous for using control. Family is our one supposedly stable form of love. The blood-is-thicker-than-water kind of control. Threatening to withdraw familial love or acceptance is what sects do to keep their members. Families shouldn't use this tactic.  Bending against your will, to the "family way" is likely the hardest kind of control to, well, control! Family does not always "know best" and there are times when one must cut a swath through family traditions to escape and remain oneself. If it's a good family, there will be acceptance.  Everyone enjoys being in control but there are rules and most of them should be found only within oneself.