Take Pianos

Pianos used to be in every household and the sound of little fingers practising chords and scales was a daily routine to passers by who remembered the music lesson days. Not too many kids have the benefit of piano lessons now. For one thing, they are not only costly but also are a big commitment in time.  Children are whipped off to ballet or hockey practise where their bodies go through the paces but seldom do those endeavors stick with them throughout their lives as much as piano lessons do. Children who learn to play the classical piano seem never to forget entirely how to render a tune with or without the music in front of them. They also remember other matters about piano lessons:  the recital experience when they crouched in the kitchen of their music teacher's house, nervously awaiting their turn to go into the living room where all the parents sat, just as nervously, to feel pride in their young pianists. Few of the youngsters make it to become concert performers but most have fun sitting at the keyboard and whacking out a tune later on. Life  kind of sucked them in to its vortex and they had to move on to other more pressing events. When you've had piano lessons, however, it isn't too hard to pick it up much later and play for enjoyment or perhaps take further lessons, and become quite proficient. To learn how to play the piano as an adult with no previous childhood lessons is a very difficult and often discouraging task. I have heard those who attempted it and sorry, but it shows when they hack out "I Lost My Heart In San Francisco" with  laboured effort and bad timing and touch. I have suffered through this very thing, when a very rich lady who could afford a beautiful instrument in her mirrored parlour, found that money doesn't buy everything.  The depth, the resonance and flow just were not there. The effort to learn at a later date is gigantically courageous, however, and these folks get my accolades for the attempt. Learning to play the piano takes decades of work. Sure, there are slickery trickery schools of popular  music but that is not piano. Let's not kid ourselves. The difference is fooze ball compared to actual football. If you laboured through your childhood learning to play, you will find there is nothing more satisfying than leafing through a music book and plunking away a little jazz or show music or even taking a hands-on review of your old classical pieces that you thought you had forgotten. You realize it's mostly your fingers that know where to go and what to do even if a bit rusty and stiff. You can still hear your music teacher patiently or perhaps impatiently counting the beats and thrumming on your shoulder the tempo. You also are glad that now you can play for pleasure and not have to start your session off with stretches, scales and a little Liszt before Beethoven and Mozart.  Diana Krall jazz and the standards can become an afternoon of true joy that we former piano students revel in even if the neighbours find a reason to suddenly drive off in their SUVs or take in a movie elsewhere. A one, a two, a three, a four!

Lines In The Sand

When I asked a man who flirts with almost every woman he sees, why he does such things as though  it's like drawing a line in the sand knowing that the waves will make it disappear, he answered, it's only flirting; it means nothing. His answer made me think. What I came up with, is that men see flirting differently than most women do. Women consider someone who compliments them as being, perhaps bold, but nevertheless somewhat sincere. The only women who don't, are flirts themselves and know the darker rules. To these types, it is just something to do. Both of these jaded flirt unfortunates, think that telling someone he or she is attractive, is simply the art of a game. But it's an unfair one. "Nice" women don't see a flirt as a game-player. The better woman rises above game-playing-romantics. She sees a flirt as a possible choice for her to make. She, or he for that matter,  may either respond in some way or completely ignore the  comment. The one doing the flirting should, however, if one uses this form of introduction ploy, have some substance prepared behind the words. First, if you are in a relationship, you have no business flirting with anyone. Second, if you are out with a person, you break the rules of decorum. Third, if you make a comment about how fetching another person is, you should be able to follow through with tangible reasons why it was spoken. There being none, you should be prepared to indicate so by making a laugh or other gesture to show that you are merely joking. And that's fine. The flirts who are constant and unrelenting bother me. They toss out flirtations broadcast, as though they are penny candies. They have no sensitivity for whom they aim at or when, how or even why. Their well rehearsed words  just roll out like an endless threadbare carpet. They chat up every restaurant server, bar tender and store clerk they meet and do so indiscriminately as though it is expected along with the bill at the end.  Of course this applies to women as well, those who sidle up to their prey, blink their eyes and make other gestures they think will attract. It is common practice  for workers in some lines, to flirt in an effort to increase their tips or sales. The old server skill such as touching the customer's hand or shoulder when presenting the cheque or the fashion femme who tells each customer that the item is "so you darling!" may appear to work but that tactic treads the line of trickster rather than seeing a repeater in a client. Sincerity works much better. To make a truly good impression, pick out something unique and positive about the one you are focusing on and make the flirt not only credible but memorable. That could win the reward you are looking for. It is no line in the sand.

Just One Of Those Things

The song goes, "it was just one of those things, just one of those bells that now and then rings, just one of those things" and so on. The lyrics describe what happens when you are single, just out of a long commitment and an old friend happens along - and stays. These affairs, if they can be called such, can last a number of years, but usually they are happy only for a while. As most passionate encounters that do not end in love and marriage, they tend to peter out eventually. Mine did. And I thought it was solid and would last. What I learned about love and loving over the four years of my "one of those things" about the pitfalls would fill a book. And it may if I get around to that novel, do so.  First, if you think that each partner in such an a relationship is alike in mind and direction, you are wrong. While each appears to be so at the outset, someone is putting on an act. I am far from cynical about this; it's a fact. We all have a certain blindness when it comes to being in love. We see what we want to see or conjure up, as truth. Hey, it makes life easier and there is nothing wrong with that. But after the love affair that is " too hot not to cool down" has done so, your vision is fifty-fifty and you see what really happened. I don't knock this kind of wonderful love but like all lovely things, it does have a beginning and an  end, unfortunately. The first dizzying months are memorable and treasured but the ensuing downhill journey takes its toll. There are small inroads when  passion cools and you realize there are situations in which each person is not in compliance. At first, there are attempts to compensate and adjust but as time goes on, the gaps widen and greater conflict arises. Most of the time, these problems can be bridged by thinking that it is natural for each of you to be an individual and have a unique opinion, but in your private selves, it rankles. Then, along comes the taken-for-granted period. You begin to take for granted that this person will be always on hand, on time and on cue. That is far from fact. We are all simply human and have our reasons for what we are and do, useful or not.  Attentiveness, good manners and loyalties flag a bit and confusion enters the scene. And then there are added outside complications such as family, work pressures, friend interferences, that one either bows down to or avoids. But none of them disappear easily. Realities come along and they must be met head on. Life happens as they say, and if communication skills  lag you, as a couple, have to find a way through all of these and other challenges to achieve what is key to a lasting relationship. If you do not, it will end. Endings are painful. Sometimes they are sudden and sharp and at other times, they are agonizingly slow. I know only the latter due to a lack of experience. My last romance was new to me and I know that it's over but I also know there will  be another just around the corner and I feel better equipped to enter another "just one of those things".