Good Is?

What are good partners? First, they must love. Next, they need to be honest and reasonably compatible but the list after the first requirement, varies. Sometimes you look around and wonder why on earth, a certain couple works. "Works" means that they have discovered a personal bonding that  defies  definition and they continue along in spite of the odds. What "works" holds them together and often times, it is completely incongruous with all the generally accepted rules. There are people, historically, who allow a lover in the mix. Many of the royals, high political figures and even some of our heroes have survived third party indulgence but continue to be tied for a lifetime.  There are some couples who have great distance and time between them but stay close. Love and the success of its being is a mysterious element. In a heterogeneous relationship, traditionally, the differences between men and women and how they love is challenging. Women  love long while men, love as long as they do. Taking a look at the animal world for proof doesn't help much either. Even animals that "mate for life" have their weak moments much as some people who love the one they're near if they're not near the one they love. The temptations are tests. Do you risk losing  your partner or do you deny passion? Often these affairs turn into lasting relationships stronger than the one before. Then there are the hard times outside a relationship, when lives are turned upside down and the stress of it blows them apart. Most often, fortunately, the glue that a couple has is what gets them through the worst times of their lives. Physical ailments can interfere and gradually wear down the relationship.  Alzheimers, accidental injuries, strokes or mortal diseases can either cement or melt a bond. To see someone gently tending a victim of circumstance, is proof of the extent of the endless scope of love. Love is often times a rather battered and torn thing, but its victory is endurance.  If you find a partner with whom love for you is present and lasting, you have found life's greatest gift. Treasure it long.

Balancing Act

Relationships, I read recently, if unbalanced  can become troublesome and require assessment. Often times it is the female end of the partnership that becomes the heavy end that bears most of the responsibility of keeping things running smoothly. I suppose women feel that it's their job to keep the peace - regardless. Well, dears, it isn't. That shouldn't be news since most women rant and rave about their darlings to other women but do nothing about it. Talk doesn't walk. And walking won't cure it either. Don't feel you have to run to the gym or get a new hair-do or buy something lacy to keep the relationship on an even keel. If it isn't a level playing field - to add yet another metaphor - scrape. Risk a red card and talk to your mate. Talk hard, no tears, no yelling; just present the facts. Don't whine or plead or promise. Get a grip on what you are and what you have to offer the relationship. If the truth blows your game apart and he stomps out, so be it. Sure, there's pain but it lasts about as long as a bad cold. Couple of weeks of crying and ice cream and you're a brand new person that needs to be discovered. This is the time to start the make-over, but this time on yourself. Cut the carbs or get a new dress or take yourself out to a pretty lunch somewhere nice. You don't need a host of girlfriends holding you up. You don't need a psychologist. All you need is to do it and wait a bit. Be patient with yourself and be grateful that the pain you have now is not like the on-going one you endured with Mr. Meanie. Beware that you don't weaken and  go back to make little in-roads that are designed to bring the offender back. He won't change. It is you once again taking up the slack. It won't be long until the shine has once again disappeared and you are right back where you left off. Only this time you'll  have yourself to blame. You will have to go through the same old same old. But, hey that's a natural part of the grieving. Don't beat yourself up, plug on. Some colds last a bit longer than two weeks.

Playing Play Men

The Play Man is one who may be charming but is only in the relationship to play. Like a drama, he is acting out a fantasy that is colourful but lacking in substance.  His act is to play the guy who can sweet talk or as the saying goes, charm the birds right out of the trees. He doesn't deliver. He can't and won't.  As a result, most of his relationships are not that, but mere in-one-door-and-out-the-other kinds and last only as long as he is intrigued with his toy women. He has a little black book and a little black heart to match. He comes on with  his lines and gestures, his self-serving heroic tales and big promises but none of it pans out. He is a Play Man. He is a toy himself and not to be taken seriously. Most of the Play Men are obvious and easily dispensed with but occasionally you find one who appears sincere. While he is the same as the other variety, he takes a little longer to discover. You have to be smarter than the Play Man. He thinks he is using you, but the tables secretly can be turned and you can use him if you are wise. This does not include deceptive cruelty because that is self-destructive and will hurt you more than him. What it does mean, is playing him as he plays you, but better. For example, mirror him to an extent. First, allow yourself distance so that you can be more objective about your relationship. If he takes another woman out to an innocent lunch ( never innocent in truth), you go out to lunch with another man, innocently of course. If he calls or contacts  his former women, you call up or e mail yours. He won't be able to call you on it because he would have to admit his own misdemeanors. And no, it is the same. Don't buy his argument that it isn't the same thing. When he flirts with other women, do the same with other men. This guy will either bow out or wake up to what he has in front of him, a woman better at his game than he is.  And if his former females won't let up with their calls and needs, ignore them.  Their jealously or clinging possessiveness does not work with the Play Man. He fears it like the plague and will soon tire of it. If your Play Man wears out, drop him but if you find him amusing and that's all you want, this works. There's lots of room on the Play Ground for both of you.

Boogie Men

We all know the scarey childhood "boogey man" who hides in closets and under beds,  but there is also one in the adult world. He is the guy who likes to boogie. In the elder world, he is called, kindly, "the Candy Man", like the old fellow who goes about in malls giving out pocket candy to pretty ladies to chat them up. These boogie men, young or old, come from the same "planet". They are lonely men looking for attention. What real man has to sink to such levels? We won't get into the psychological reasons, mostly because they are not only blatantly clear, but much too sad. This variety of male is usually harmless, but is often an embarrassing nuisance. To consider the Boogie Man, one must first ask, what is boogie? In the last century, about the WWII era, a form of dance arose that was a bit like Hip Hop, only more decorous, done in couples and with clothing that covered the essentials unlike HH that barely does the job now.  Boogie Woogie, spelling excused, saw boys and girls holding hands while defying gravity with lifts, lugs and tosses to music hard to stand still to.  Feet gyrated, hips swashed and skirts swirled often showing off  forms of modest undergarments made for the purpose of exposure. But Boogie Men are those who do a different  form of gyration, usually in the direction of women they want to impress. Or think they are impressing. Their necks swivel in a crowd searching for ladies they think will be receptive to their flatterings. They seldom fail. Their lines are predictable, but always effective, for what female doesn't enjoy a little appreciation once in awhile. However, if you are the date of a Boogie Man, it isn't all that pleasant. You have to stare into space while in your presence, Mr. BM is doing his chat-up. Boogie Men know every female bartender and waitress, sorry, server, in the town you are in and for others miles around. And if they don't, they will make it their mission. They know instinctively how to entice and entangle, but what they don't know, is how to carry through. All they want is to be treated like an old friend wherever they go. And generally they are. There are exceptions because Boogieism is a fine art. Flatteries can be personal but must be non-offensive or the BM becomes someone for the ladies to avoid and who wants to be avoided and to wait an hour to order dinner or whet a whistle?  Mr. BM, in a bar, likes to hang over it where the scenery is better and the other brass-toe boys can be impressed by his prowess. Mr. BM is usually natty and well-groomed but sporting a two or three day beard is acceptable these days. Why, I haven't fathomed. The right attire is also a pre-requisite. An expensive jacket that doesn't look it, a tee shirt of the best brand en tone comes next and the ever present, denim pants.  If the loafers come from Italy it seems you can't or won't afford socks. Good Boogie Men spend a lot of money on appearance. I have an idea, the straight razor was invented for these guys if they shave at all. Their scent is so subtle you won't know it's there until it is too late. Their body language is worth a PHD. They put in months of mirror-hours to study the right lift of eyebrow, the correct lip curl, the moment to back off.  All clipped and toned and attired, these chappies make a lady feel like one but alas, they are only out for a boogie, nothing more. Don't dust off your wedding dress. There is likely a trio at the Boogie Man's home: mom, the mortgage and the old Monterey Ford.  All they want to do is talk,flirt and feel like the man they aren't. You get used to them no matter how tiresome. It's just boogie with no woogie.

Flirt Men

Why do men, and women, for that matter, flirt. I have yet to go on line to fathom what the "experts" have to say about it. Experts being another matter of bloggable debate. Flirting is not meant to entice. It is meant to get the attention, not of the flirtee but of the date the flirter has brought to the event or situation. Dealing with why people flirt is a matter of common sense and the opinion of an amateur analyst is likely just as reliable an authority or, certainly through that experience, valid.  Flirting while a somewhat invitational act, is seldom taken to those heights. Usually, a flirt in the company of a companion, means to create in the other, a tiny jealousy in order to establish between the two, a more tenacious relationship. "If I do some flirting, Blank will value me more" he or she thinks. But what the flirter does not consider, is that to be with a flirt is not only annoying and insulting, but it is also highly comical due to its child-like nature. Watching a flirt in action is seeing a clown at work. When you witness a flirt at its game, one observes the quip that is actually funny rather than flattering to the receiver. In beginning the flirt, we have the comedian "make-up" sans red nose, that comes in the form of leaning-in body dip language, raised and lowered eyebrow movements and fluttering eyelashes. The mouth contains a smirk and a bit of a smile. It all begins with  eye-balling or "scoping" the space to identify the right flirtee. Next, there is the move to get within flirting distance. This can either be accomplished by moving  or waiting about until the victim passes by or hovers in the area. I have seen party goers gradually work their way over to their targets subtly or not so, all the while keeping their eye on the goal. When they achieve it, wary moves are employed until the right moment provides the correct opportunity. A gentle bumping into serves the purpose well.  "Oh excuse me. Well, hello there" sort of thing. Servers often invite such frippery with shoulder tip-touching routines. The latter is waning these days, of course, since all of us realize what servers are up to. The reality is that flirts are those with sadly flagging egos. They need to gather in flattery in the form of attention from the flirtee who may or may not respond positively, so that they can bathe in the glory of being noticed. Few flirts are worth appreciating in the first place. Nothing is worse than tolerating The Flirt for long. To really be successful a flirt, the professional flirtee must be about as good at acting as the flirter. The former could be a server who puts out a welcome sign to count his/her big tip bucks at the end of the day. Flirters tread dangerous ground, however. If the flirt is too direct, or there is hand-flirting involved, it could result in a harassment charge or the worst scenario, a direct slap on the face. A good natured flirtee will jest in return and disappear into the crowd as quickly as is politely possible. The foolish flirtee will think that the flirt is a genuine invitation that is more than a mere greeting word, squeeze and smackeroo on the cheek and may return the gesture. The flirter, if this happens, will often be overwhelmed by the effect of its attentions and find itself embarrassed and confused. To see this happen is quite delightful. It seems to be a natural justice self-meted. How to deal with a flirtatious partner is to ignore it like a pain in the ... well, all things pass.

Prince Frogs

We all know the tale about the frog that turned into a prince, but do we know the one about the prince who became a frog?  I met a prince once. He was everything that any princess could want: clever, attractive, flattering, attentive. When you were with him, you thought that he was the one who turned the world, yours. Together, you laughed, loved and went about in a rosy atmosphere that belied taint. Nothing could enter that world but the joy of being together. You were blinded by the rich hues of the colourful aura of your prince. It seemed that life would go on endlessly with the him. But after some time, little drops of doubt began to form. Tiny hints that something you hoped was beautiful was merely dross and what you thought was honour was really just an effect placed there by the prince who was really a frog, who was always a frog but a very good shape-changer for his own reasons. He wanted to be a prince but something inside him, couldn't stop his true nature from emerging.  The cloud of happiness he created that you thought was yours, like all clouds, began to dissipate with time and the pond in which you and the prince circulated began to take on a hint of a smell that was more swamp-like. Small signs of erosion appeared as these realities crept in. The prince's crown slipped occasionally and his image appeared green around the edges at times. He was not as fine as you thought originally. When you chanced to rub the magic from your eyes and see the prince crownless you thought you glimpsed his true nature. In fact, at times, he didn't appear at all the same as the mask that you learned he put on daily. In that knowledge, he began to look strangely like something else. Warts arose one by one on his being until it was impossible to look at him and not recognise them as such. A kind of acrid slime appeared to be taking over his frame and it was an ugly greenish hue unlike the smooth and shining garb he once wore. His eyes became yellow and turned away when you looked into them. They were fixed on the horizon and not on you. They were no longer a trusting blue but more an oozing brownish amber grey. His hands, once warm and tender segued into cold claws reaching out eerily and his heart beat slowly and irregularly according to the temperature surrounding it. There were times when he disgusted you although you tried, out of loyalty, to disguise it. Often in a certain light, you saw what you wanted to run from, but forced yourself to remember the "good times" so that you could carry on. Finally, gathering all of your self-preservation elements together, you realized that a frog had replaced the prince and that not being a frog yourself, you could no longer associate comfortably with this one. You decided to look about the pond, however, because you were taught by the prince who was really a frog, how to tolerate a frog temporarily until you knew he was only in transition to becoming a prince.  There are so many frogs in the pond.