Guys and Dolls

Anyone who tells me men and women are romantically the same or want the same, is not someone I can believe. Why? Based on limited experience, both mine and that of others, emotional androgyny is completely in error. Women see serious love and romance as that leading to some kind of permanent or, at least, stable on-going relationship. To most women, a romance is a kind of  investment in the future, one with someone around who becomes part of her life. It doesn't mean women need to marry, necessarily, it simply means that there is a dependable someone who is going to share experiences in an equal manner, someone with whom to build a life, while at the same time, allowing both to remain individuals and yet enjoy interdependent roles. Women don't see it as a trial period but rather as a growth situation. They also realize that there are escape routes for possible endings but that if so, they are ones that are mutually respecting of the feelings of each. Most men, on the other hand, don't appear to look at a relationship in the long term. They see it in a sort of day by day matter that may or may not develop. They don't anticipate any kind of permanency at the outset and yet they are aware that one day, there may be that kind of event. They, like women, expect mutual loyalty and respect while the relationship is happening but they don't put any locks on a commitment to one person unless they are ready for the "big step".  Men must feel confident that where they are heading, should the relationship become serious to them, is the absolutely right time in their lives to act. In other words, they see a relationship as  something with no big expectations but that which is experimental and perhaps, possibly, something more.  When both the She and the He are sure about what they want mutually, something more than a relationship might happen. So they think. While these mores are changing, they are basically different, males from females. And that can cause problems. Males who don't consider dating something exclusive, differ from many females who see a series of datings with one person as becoming a commitment, and are thrown into jealousies when this illusion is destroyed. And jealousy is a sure way to poison any relationship on either side. The message when what seems a good and blossoming relationship has jealousy, it's time to say bye-bye and not resort to the demeaning aspects of jealousies at all.  Jealousy is far harder on the perpetrator than the victim, and it's a sure sign of a diseased union. The message is there: it's over, get out. Relationships that harbor jealousy are not relationships, they are wars with retaliations and hard words and hurts that are far worse than simply stopping. Sounds harsh but the alternatives are worse. Long drawn-out sessions of jealousy and its repercussions are just not worth it if something can't be worked out. The "short sharp shock" is best. "Exeunt", as the Bard put it.