Assertive Or Offensive

One of the more recent trends is for women to be assertive. And that's all very well, but how one is assertive is the question. Those who merely tapped into the matter of this useful tool without examining the finer points, may have misunderstood what assertiveness means. What it doesn't mean, is blurting out your standpoint in aloud and offensive way. That simply doesn't get anywhere but the exit door. I know one particular woman who announced proudly to me that she used not to be assertive, but by golly, she had changed, and now she was going to speak her mind. Unfortunately, this individual went about speaking her mind but in a way that offended others. When she found that her approach was ill received, she waved it aside saying that she didn't care because no one was going to push her around any more. Oops! Expressing your viewpoint is not driving a bulldozer through the opinions and ideas of others. You can be calmly and courteously adept at getting your statement firmly across without being loud, nasty or crass. The latter only makes others put up fences that keep you and your mouth out of their space forever. So what is the middle road? The folks who I have found to be most enjoyable at stepping into the light and telling it like it is, rather than shying away, are those who use a little courtesy and humour. A certain doctor I recall, when in a tight social situation was a master of this tactic and achieved her purpose without causing rifts. Even though her arguments were strong in nature, she had a way of presenting them so that they were appreciated and taken seriously. While I am an advocate of women's equality, I, also, know that their manner is different than males and that's perfectly acceptable. A soft voice and good manners don't mean one is a shrinking violet. They take nothing away from making valid points when such are given confidently and correctly with both feet on the ground, well planted. As a matter of fact, some women can do this masterfully, if I might use that expression! I think of famous women now and historically who are highly successful leaders and rulers who wear, not guns, but hats, chiffon and carry a purse.