Sheet Fits

The fitted sheet is likely the most painful convenience since the iron maiden. It is a true form of torture, but with no purpose in mind. What was so bad about folding corners in the hospital manner ? Few of us did it, but we knew it could be done. Our nurse friends told us it could because that's how they earned the stripe on their caps. Or used to. When the fitted sheet came out, everyone thought it was a boon. We all ran out and bought them thinking that we were free of hospital corner guilt when we couldn't quite perfect the neat corners on the bed that no one other than nosy neighbours and mothers-in-law ever laid eyes on. Those were the days when your linen closet, if you are lucky enough to have one now, showed layers of nice flat linens. The advent of the fitted sheet, messed all that up. On line, you began to learn the art of folding the F sheet so that it almost appeared to lie flat when not in use. Even that exercise defeated me, and I am known for patience. I did try, but the effort was far too time consuming when after folding other laundry, I learned to merely flap the F sheet ends under and fake it, making do with the lumpy linen look and telling anyone interested, "they don't do flat any more".  Actually, "they" haven't done flat since the advent of goose down anyway. But how the linens store, is only point one. Point two or the "hard part", is how to fit the fitted sheet on the bed. I swear that having bought very good million count thread sheets from a very good source of bed linens, I felt that a sheet set should do what the label says. Fit. Perhaps it is the mattress or my lack of bed-making talent, but to get the fitted sheet on that fourth corner is dangerous. I try not to do it until I am ready to see my nail lady because many a nail has suffered and been lost in the effort to make the bed. I have had to run to her the same afternoon for a replacement. the nail, not the bed.  And now that arthritis has inflicted itself into my life, the effort needed to get that fourth corner of the fitted sheet on the fourth corner of the bed, is a painful process. I have tried getting sheets that are correctly measured for my bed's size and shape but I have ended up never getting the whole sheet to lie flat over the entire mattress. My secret solution is to do the other three corners where they show and that remote fourth corner that can't be seen even by mothers-in-law, is where I only partly fit the sheet on. There are wrinkles and ugly folds. Anyone else as sneaky as me? The real solution is for sheet providers to go back to two nice sheets, full size and the old tuck-it -in method of bed making. Down with the fitted sheet and up with two flat ones in a set! Please.