Brow Zing

At the day spa today, I overheard a woman who had just had her eyebrows "done". She was thrilled with the job and when she turned and I saw the result, I thought I was looking at a revived Neanderthal. What, I wondered, could the lady be so pleased about? On a rather small face that had a halo of  blond hair, the dark brows stood out wide and long and fully arched. For certain they looked Hollywood, but more in the jungle genre of entertainment than the glamour scene.  As I listened in to the oohs and ahhs around me, I was not convinced that these brows were anywhere near attractive. Unless perhaps to a simian. But the lady was thrilled, even though it cost her almost a hundred dollars to have the hairy set installed  that looked as though they'd been kidnapped from an ape.  Eyebrows are up there to keep off sweat, rain and whatever else might flow down and get into the eyes. The hairs catch dust or any other kind of foreign material from invading the delicate membranes of the eye. And its little sisters, the eyelashes, do much the same.  I also read that, in a way, brows fend off predators much like the eye spots of other animals, to scare their enemies into thinking they are much bigger and stronger than they actually are.  To test that theory, one is supposed to look at the brows and the lower lids as one big eye spot when the eyes are in repose. Also, for expression, there is nothing as stunning as the eyebrows. The more to frighten you, my dear, is their purpose, thus keeping away nocturnal dangers. Now, this new browed lady's set of hairy male-like arches, were overly dark and reddish and sore looking, but she assured all of us other oogling females that "it didn't hurt a bit" and that They, The Brows, would settle down in  a few days hence. I dearly hoped so, because all one noticed at present, was an ominous set of larger -than-life hairy things approaching. At the counter, the woman said how dreadful it had been in the past, such as two months ago,  when women plucked their eyebrows until they were but a thin line and how ugly that was. I tried to duck and hide my normal natural brows that were evidently well beyond hope according to current fashion dictates. Like all additions to the face these days, eyebrows are king and not kong.  In addition to coloured make-up, glued on lashes, shots of Botox and its friends, lip plumpers, varnished white teeth and tied-in hair strands, here comes the age of the brow. There isn't much face left to "enhance".