What Widows Don't Know

I am an experienced widow, meaning I've been at it awhile. Before you enter this alone state, there are no courses on how to do it. One of the reasons is, it can't be taught.  Unless you are a widow, you have no idea how it goes. And every widow is different. If you've been single all your life, that's your way of life so it's no example to follow. Widowhood, and I am speaking of women only, because from what I have heard, widowers have a different learning curve and style. They, being smaller in number, seem to have to fight off the older ladies lined up at their doors. But getting right into the matter, weekends  are the worst. When you had a mate, weekends were your "dating" times. During the week, there were lots of household and family events and tasks. When widowed, those habits of house and home, though lessened, continue. When there is no one to share the weekend with, it can feel pretty long. At least for some people. Joiners and groupies with a bevy of "friends" are better off, but those of us who aren't keen on that model, have to develop our own kinds of weekends. If you enjoy movies, books and games all of which can be done using various kinds of electronic equipment, it helps. But as in your mated past, there isn't the joy of anticipation: the planning and preparing as when you and your fella, dressed up and went out to parties and couples' evenings and off on dinners out. And the circle of your still married friends have long before, moved on in their twosome lives and  kindly sort of forget about you. It's the truth. They feel that you wouldn't be interested in joining them, but they politely do not ask. For example, the other night I was with a group and the women all of whom were married but a few of us, chatted merrily about what they "were taking" to the party the next evening.  The talk involved recipes and ingredients and how these were to be transported to where they were going. None of the married women gave a thought to the few of us widows, sitting in the same room, once part of the group, who evidently had not been invited. That is a reality you have to learn to live with. No one is trying deliberately to hurt your feelings but it does have an effect. Everyone who is coupled, simply doesn't think you are part of their world any more. And, in a way, you aren't. You have to develop a second skin to get through those times and try to forget you were part of that social company. Suggestions are made. "You should get out more." " I never see you any more." "Why don't you join ..." It's not that simple. First, who are you going to find to go out with? What group welcomes a single? What about driving around at night or taking public transport in the dark? It's just not safe even if you can abide sitting at a table for one. As to just wanting to chat with some mixed company, even going on the computer to find a site is a disaster. It would be rather pleasant to get on line and have a visit with people of an age, anywhere in the world. How lovely to visit and exchange thoughts. I tried to find a site that did such things, but all of them without exception, were about "dating". Dating is not something I have any interest in, but it seems I am one of the rare ones. Some older women I know, are passionate about it. They join dating clubs, and giggle and exchange tales of their dates. It all sounds ridiculous to me. Dating is too complicated. I tried it and didn't like it. It's like a teflon dart board. When you are a serious, sensible woman, flirtations and frills are too silly and anyway, the dream man I'd be interested in, does not exist. So what is one left with? A nice glass of red wine, a slice or two of fine cheese, feet up, a cosy robe and a vintage movie is the kind of Saturday night date that works for me.