Gramma's? Oh, no!

A friend of mine and I, in our twenties, were off to the city shopping for the day. On the way, let's call her Annie, said that we had to stop by her gramma's to see if she were all right. When we pulled up to a very nice home, I looked forward to meeting the lady. I knew she had been an attractive, respected professional in her day. I fancied tea in the parlour. Not so. We walked down a garden path to a back basement entrance and into a rather dark looking rental suite there. On knocking at the door, we heard a shuffling and it opened. There before us, stood  a very elderly stooped and frail woman. She was delighted that we came. The place smelled musty and while clean, was close and cluttered. No tea was offered of necessity, and the visit was short, timed, I suspected. That scene is often in my mind, as I, now, too, as described "elderly", recall it. Old age happens to us all, and it is, in truth, a time that is not "golden". Pain is a daily companion. Loneliness can be one, also, but not necessarily. Some need a social life and others don't. Exercise is reduced to whatever can be tolerated in spite of rampant advice to the contrary. The well-"meanies" who spout their theories about old age and how one should live it are, frankly, to put it nicely, full of baloney. Most of them are not elderly. But when you are elderly, you find yourself being told what to do constantly. "Mother, you should..." or "Dad, you have to...". If elders used the same tones with their younger humans, there would be conflict! Old people take it, because they feel vulnerable and often, intimidated. All they really want is to be treated exactly the same way everyone else is. If they need advice they will ask for it. Some elders allow themselves to submit and discard their independence gracefully, while others choose, as the little lady in my story above, to do it their way. She wanted to live on her own and fend for herself no matter what that looked like to others. She could have chosen to live with her daughter in the back bedroom but she didn't. Her choice wasn't  "pathetic" to her. Hard as it is for younger adults to conceive, the physical body ages and changes in ways that are unimaginable to youth. Once beautiful and lithe, the body can twist and grow in ways that seem ugly. Like all of nature, aging happens and it is not ugly, it's natural. There are no easy solutions. Getting a hip or knee "done" is not a light endeavor. It sounds simple and some run out and get the surgery at the first twinge. It is surgery and not a tooth extraction. Cataract surgery is another "easy fix" or a colostomy or any other medical procedure may not work as advertised. We take our chances. And they all have the danger of downsides. We are warned. Finances, also, can be hard for those who worked and saved for their retirements, but Inflation ate up all of their plans. Most of them have to "sell the farm" to survive. It's not easy. People aging, are not always the attractive models you see in those cute ads for the ideal "retirement" home. But old age can be a great ending to a great life lived. It just needs understanding.