Joy Of Alone

All the "lonely people" are among the luckiest people. They live by their own plan. Having recently removed myself from a too-close relationship, I can say that I appreciate my solitary self much more. I know now, the benefits of independence. It's a freedom that takes a long life to discover. After the rigors of having to meet the needs of another person even though well meant, taught me the  value and privilege of alone-ness. During this strange couple phase, however platonic, in which I thought I could live a more "normal" life alongside someone else, I also discovered the need to buy an alarm clock. My life was no longer just mine. The days of arising naturally in the morning, suddenly became having to don runners for the morning walk fest. Afternoons and evenings became dates to go somewhere, to do things, or eat out or shop. At the beginning, it was heady. Wow, I could walk alongside another warm body and laugh, if that ever happened, over a mutual joke. I could sit across from another person at the table and chat. But as the weeks went by, I began to yearn for the days when I could lie abed as long as I pleased or watch the TV programs and series that I, alone, liked. In this relationship, I had to share space and time and do a lot of compromising which started to bore and frustrate me. I suppose most unions, however casual they are, require a massive amount of change, but for me, it was too much of giving up my personal freedoms. When one is young and in love and hoping to find Number One for purposes of marriage and family, it all works out beautifully and lasts for decades. But when all that is long past, and you in your life as a single adult have finally found the you that is you and kind of like that you, rolling back what independence you achieved, makes sharing it a difficult task. First of all, you have remember that at your age, to love what you are doing is paramount. Second of all, it has to make sense to the new mature you that you have discovered. If it doesn't, it can become a constant sore spot and eventually, call for a curative ending. Endings are easy if you do it in anger or vengeance or boredom, but if you simply need to make a change backwards to the life you had before the new relationship, it's tough. There is another human being you might hurt. But it has to be done. You aren't moving off to some other shore, you are just wanting to "go home". I have heard of mostly males doing this, but seldom, females. Most of the single women I know my age, seem to segue into groups doing crafts and hobbies and they are content with that. As they learned, old men want "nurse or purse", an amusing take women say when hoping for an elder romance. I don't need to join something.  I just want to live and enjoy my own life. There isn't a lot more to go, and after all this time, I am not willing to give up the joys I continue to seek, find and love in this beautiful world that is so troubled, but so worth loving. Doing it alone is just fine, too. In fact, finer.