Free Ha Ha

 Used to be in the "old" days of searching for information on the 'net, you keyed in what you wanted to find and there it was.  A-click-away was the word. No more. Today, while trying to locate  information on  attaching an exercise resistance cord to a door, I landed on pages of ads to buy them. It seems, now, that when you search online, it's much like reading your newspaper. All ads but for odd random bits of terse reporting. The wee instruction manual the size of a large postage stamp, showed pictures of a muscular male in action with a cord. I heard that resistance band exercise is the best kind for those in my age category and I bought one to give it a try. Experts on exercising for my age group, recommend, not aerobics or quick walking or stretching but, surprisingly, resistance routines. That made sense to me since all of the others cause pain and I am not a fan of the old silly: "no pain, no gain". It's false. Pain is the body's warning. While aficionados in their bright little latex suits and hard little frames deny that fact, they are not of my age set. Those of us living over the hill, know better than to listen to skinny people who are half our age, degrees or not. We have nothing to lose but time, and we don't want to spend it in pain. We have  patience for repetition and routine, but no thanks to difficulties of any kind that hurt. Been there, done with that.  Back to the resistance cord door application. After giving up searching on the lengthy pages of ads for something I already had in hand eager to begin, I did spot near the end of one ad, a very brief instruction . It was on putting the little bit of stretchy material that came with the cord and handles, into the door frame. I chose the entrance door for this experiment and duly, tucked the little swatch of elastic with its mysterious small cannon ball inside, into the open door frame. I did it quietly because I live in a condo and people unlike me, the early riser, want to sleep until noon.  For some reason even though they are sleeping their lives away while the sun shines outside.  But the need to be active as recommended by everyone I know, causes me to get up early, take a bit of a nap midday and see the stars come out at night. It was seven thirty AM. I put the bit of elastic and small cannon ball into the door frame and, as instructed, shut the door. It's a hefty hallway door. An explosion akin to a cannon, itself, occurred. I am sure everyone in the floor I live on, heard it. All I can hope for is that there will be no fractures reported and no eviction notice presented. Back to the resistance cord attaching matter. It was unsuccessful and not to be repeated. The little cannon ball inside the elastic is no longer in one piece after following the instructions given.  I may the attaching of the cord, again later, after my first cup of coffee, honey and whipped cream. But later after listening to bird song on my deck and praying the phone won't start ringing, I may, in future, restrict myself to using the cord with feet or arms. Anything but a door.