Trying to shoot for a turkey to roast for the holiday season is like out finding one in the bush. Once we saw in the woods some wild turkeys and they look nothing like the grand birds on a farm. What we saw in the forest, wouldn't feed three people adequately. And they were well feathered which was about all they had on their skins. I have been hunting for three or four weeks now, and haven't seen a turkey of the grocery mart kind at all. I began a couple of months ago. Remember Thanksgiving? That was hard enough and what came in my grocery delivery, the system I am addicted to, looked much like a chicken out of a prisoner of war camp. It was the only choice I had, other than the huge birds that looked like something out of Jurassic Park. The latter cost about as much, as the movie birds, too. I decided on the small turkey or hardy chicken-like animal, if you wish, and when it came, it appeared to be one of those turkeys that was so small it escaped the grading. It was about the size of the old capons that my grandmother bought cheaply in the markets and boiled mercilessly for a couple of days in a huge pot. She felt it could be more edible that way but it always ended up as soup. Happily, the small turkey I received, managed to feed the four of us adequately, and surprisingly gave enough for making a few sandwiches the next day. With the upcoming December holiday, I thought I would order early, and perhaps have a nice turkey bird to put on our festive table if I got it ahead of the rush. It has been, in earnest, about three weeks now in trying, and all I have been able to bag (literally) is turkey bacon sliced into what looks very much like pale plastic bacon. Somehow, I don't think it would be palatable as turkey slices on my guests' plates. Turkey slices don't come in bacon shape. It was a learning experience since I had never heard of "bacon sliced turkey". I opted in the next online order to bend my hopes to a have turkey roast instead. The roast is turkey breast all string wrapped much like ham. Out of stock (OOS) was the response on the day the roast was to arrive. At the same time as the turkey roast, I had also stooped to order the "back hind quarter" of a turkey as well, thinking that my guests might like a bit of dark meat with the light. OOS again. Another week went by. Okay, thought I, stepping down from my pride ladder, I will submit to the frozen boxed turkey rolls. I went for the turkey roll with dark meat. That would be okay if disguised with enough gravy to make up for the format. OOS. On the next order, I armored myself, thinking they must be selling out too soon so if I order right away, I will get the turkey they show in their ad. I made an order right after the first order but opted for the huge bird that is close to a hundred bucks, because who is going to pay that much for one dinner plus all else. I would be sure of my turkey. OOS. I give up. This holiday season we might have to trade wing for hide or fin instead. And then there's always meat loaf. Maybe.
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