Happy Helpless

 There is too much "help" these days. Most of it comes from a "help" that sits blinking down in the corner  of my computer screen. Oh good, I'll just explain my problem to Help, and we'll be on our way. I type in my situation. Apparently, we don't speak the same language even though it asks what's wrong, in my language. I try again with a few more adjectives, but again, it tells me to "try it another way". What way? I have run out of ways. I call  Customer Service who has human beings, and after going through a number of steps which has me running around to find a card or an invoice or a bank record or a view of the product in question. By that time, if the voice is still there, I tell it my problem, it tells me it will send me a code number. I don't use my cell phone unless I go out the door. I tell it "try another way". It will send me an email with the code. I have to leave this email page and find another email page to get the code. When I get to it, I write the code down and rush to get back. Oops, I "timed out". This can go on for quite a few codes and me desperately trying to  warp speed. I finally get it right. Now, I have the code, everything should be fine. But circularly I am referred to exactly what I had before, the little chap in the Help corner. What I want is a human being on the other end of the line because again, Samuel or whatever name this little help in the corner calls itself can't help. I say "agent, agent, agent" and miraculously I get a human being. It's one that is halfway around the world and who is apparently from the celebration noises, at a party. I do not understand a word he or she is saying not due to the accent, but to the party. I say so. It doesn't help because now the dog is barking or the baby is crying and the new accent is undecipherable.  I give up and hang up. The missing parcel that I was told was delivered, and was not, I have to assume was stolen when they left it outside on the street, or it's at a depot somewhere for me to go pick up myself. I hope the parcel will eventually be returned to the company who sold it to me and that maybe I will be reimbursed "in ten business days", for what I paid as seen on my bank record, for nothing. Online shopping is a joy. Sometimes.