At The Controls?

There are lots of ways to control people or situations. Most of them are subtle. When you feel the weight of servitude resting on your shoulders, you are likely being controlled in some way by some force. There are time controls, facility controls and emotional controls among the many kinds. There are those who love to control and don't think they are doing so but when they are successful, it makes them feel so good that they want more. They feel empowered and victorious. How do you know when you are under the yoke of control? When someone puts a time frame on what you do or tells you their feelings are affected by what you do or if you find yourself in a situation that is resolved only when someone else is satisfied but you don't feel so, you are being controlled. When you feel under pressure to meet the needs of others while suppressing your own needs and wants, you are being controlled. Often control can be beneficial but only if you agree to that form. When you go to work and your boss lays out the plan and you understand it and opt to continue, you are actually in control of the situation yourself. There is agreement to the control system. But if you find that new demands have been added, you may lose control and feel frustrated and unhappy. Leaving the job might be the only way to get back your dignity. Better still, state the changes and re-negotiate your job position and terms of acceptance. It's fair. You are being controlled beyond your consent. Another example might be in a relationship where one partner begins to tip the balance using emotional means to gain power over the other. "Call me and I will give you an answer" is control. Why should you do the calling? The controller can call you. State that or you allow yourself to be controlled. Small things can be controllers. Watch for them. Families are famous for using control. Family is our one supposedly stable form of love. The blood-is-thicker-than-water kind of control. Threatening to withdraw familial love or acceptance is what sects do to keep their members. Families shouldn't use this tactic.  Bending against your will, to the "family way" is likely the hardest kind of control to, well, control! Family does not always "know best" and there are times when one must cut a swath through family traditions to escape and remain oneself. If it's a good family, there will be acceptance.  Everyone enjoys being in control but there are rules and most of them should be found only within oneself.