Just One Of Those Things

The song goes, "it was just one of those things, just one of those bells that now and then rings, just one of those things" and so on. The lyrics describe what happens when you are single, just out of a long commitment and an old friend happens along - and stays. These affairs, if they can be called such, can last a number of years, but usually they are happy only for a while. As most passionate encounters that do not end in love and marriage, they tend to peter out eventually. Mine did. And I thought it was solid and would last. What I learned about love and loving over the four years of my "one of those things" about the pitfalls would fill a book. And it may if I get around to that novel, do so.  First, if you think that each partner in such an a relationship is alike in mind and direction, you are wrong. While each appears to be so at the outset, someone is putting on an act. I am far from cynical about this; it's a fact. We all have a certain blindness when it comes to being in love. We see what we want to see or conjure up, as truth. Hey, it makes life easier and there is nothing wrong with that. But after the love affair that is " too hot not to cool down" has done so, your vision is fifty-fifty and you see what really happened. I don't knock this kind of wonderful love but like all lovely things, it does have a beginning and an  end, unfortunately. The first dizzying months are memorable and treasured but the ensuing downhill journey takes its toll. There are small inroads when  passion cools and you realize there are situations in which each person is not in compliance. At first, there are attempts to compensate and adjust but as time goes on, the gaps widen and greater conflict arises. Most of the time, these problems can be bridged by thinking that it is natural for each of you to be an individual and have a unique opinion, but in your private selves, it rankles. Then, along comes the taken-for-granted period. You begin to take for granted that this person will be always on hand, on time and on cue. That is far from fact. We are all simply human and have our reasons for what we are and do, useful or not.  Attentiveness, good manners and loyalties flag a bit and confusion enters the scene. And then there are added outside complications such as family, work pressures, friend interferences, that one either bows down to or avoids. But none of them disappear easily. Realities come along and they must be met head on. Life happens as they say, and if communication skills  lag you, as a couple, have to find a way through all of these and other challenges to achieve what is key to a lasting relationship. If you do not, it will end. Endings are painful. Sometimes they are sudden and sharp and at other times, they are agonizingly slow. I know only the latter due to a lack of experience. My last romance was new to me and I know that it's over but I also know there will  be another just around the corner and I feel better equipped to enter another "just one of those things".