Eyes Wide Shut

I think the title of this blog today is a movie title but it is so appropriate for my topic that I will keep it. We can have our "eyes wide open" and walk into the most ridiculous situations, perhaps ones that are bad for us. I suppose it is one of those human errors ie. "to err is human", we occasionally meet. In the past few months my eyes have been "opened" to a couple of relationships that were wrong. Ever found that? One lasted for about four years on and off, and the other was a life-time one. The first involved an individual who came to me in a lie but I couldn't see it that way. Others warned me to watch out because  they sensed the wrong, but in matters of the heart, who listens? I must say it was not the perp's fault entirely because I fully participated. The second one was so close that I couldn't see the sham. All of the evidence to quit these negative messes was blatantly visible, but somehow peace-making was the pattern I grew up with. Then. And although Mr and Ms Perp knew full well what they were up to, I, in the back of my mind, probably knew it also. We get into these things foolishly knowing how they will end up. We tell ourselves that the good times out-weigh the bad ones and therefore, we should go on and on. One relationship was familial and those, while common, are the most difficult to put a stop to. Guilt enters in. The old adage, "blood is thicker than water" sorts of words, float in, to colour it hard. But finally, time after time of being booted around emotionally, one gets the message. "End it", fate screams in your ear. And finally you make the big decision. Now, without going into the gory details, after being drummed constantly by one's own conscience continuously warning you to stop hurting yourself, you begin to see the light. The "aha" creeps in when, time and time again, wondering why this is happening to you, you get a true glimpse of yourself feeling badly. You recognize that you have gone through this so many times that it is old-hat. "Oh, here I go again" you say, as you wipe away the tears.  And one day, you say to yourself, this must stop. The back of your mind says, "But how?" That's the hard part. How? Someone I  trust gave me a clue. He said, "Just stop it - have no contact whatsoever with this bad thing." That was good advice. For people to think that the good times outweigh the bad ones, is incorrect.  If there are bad times, they need to end. There shouldn't be "bad times". I saw a movie  called The Heiress. The female character, a gentle soul, saw herself as inferior having permitted that abuse for so long, it seemed normal. She had convinced herself that she was unable to confront the issue openly, and was, in her own light, indeed a failure. When her cruel father denied her his estate if she married the man who clearly was after her fortune, he would disinherit her. When her lover heard of it, off he went. The woman realized her mistake. When her father died, she inherited a fortune. Back came the suitor. This time she led him on, and in the last scene, locking the doors against him, she went upstairs to bed, candle in hand, with a victorious smile on her face. She had finally empowered herself. To fix the bad in your life, break off what's hurting you,  take time to remember the bad times, not the good ones. Contrary to what psychologists recommend, take the low road. Forget the  positive bits and slam into the bad  reasons to end the relationship. Having done that, chuck the bitterness over your shoulder and get on with your own happiness. You deserve better. You deserve the best.