The Art Of Dumpery

Romance today has rules that defy such matters as courtesy. The art of lying when "picking up" a companion (shall we call it) absolutely requires this form of flattery. The intended target may not be your ideal choice, but who actually lands The Ideal? Well, perhaps until the shine wears off and reality sets in. Finding someone only coming close to what you have on your list of perfect mates, is likely what's going to happen. When you get to know the one you found, and found the one who came as close as you are likely to achieve , you may see that your "list" needed editing in the first place. And so you continue on with the romance until it wears out, or one or the other of you "dumps" him or her. Dumping is quite different than being dumped. There is the dumper and the dumpee. Either way, there are forms of going about it. There is the direct dump, the sneak dump, and the double play. In the direct dump, there are a few hard words and then that's the last of seeing the back of the head you used to adore. The sneak dump, the rudest one, is a text or phone call with a final good-bye. The double play is when you learn  that you are no longer a duet but are now into a trio. All three methods, while seemingly unfair, are pretty much the way it goes. We won't discuss the dumper further, because that party is already enjoying him or herself with a new conquest or running back to the old safe one. In any event, it is likely going to last about the same time as the one you just lost, given the perp's history and all. I prefer to call being dumped," taking out the garbage". Anyone who dumps someone and leaves without proper discussion, is simply, that: a substance that is no longer useful. If you are dumped, consider yourself fortunate to be rid of what is extraneous material. So what does the dumpee do? First need is ice-cream straight-up and reverting to favorite old sweat suits.  But after the carton is empty and you see yourself in the baggy jumpsuit in a full-length mirror, other tactics should be employed. Rule number one, is patience. Rule two is, don't do anything drastic for at least six months other than not eating ice-cream. The sweats can stay, but only for emergencies. Temptations to e mail nasty letters, make phone calls in the middle of the night or  trash the tail lights of the dumper, do occur, but they are as practical as head banging. Finding  someone else at any cost, whatever that may be, helps some people, but my theory, is just wait it out and spend time indulging in something you didn't have time to do when your former was around. I like computer games and blogging. Do something harmless and positive, and do it every time the blues hit. And they do hit. You can be lying there in the middle of the night having awakened from a lovely dream of former times, and wham, you realize there will never be the old you-know-who again in your life. You know that all the love and attention you gave to that creature was wasted effort. Get up, have a coffee and read or TV or game. Imagine you have slammed a door on the past and now are moving on down that hallway to open up another door, one that leads to wiser and better things. Just remember, that while you might feel you have been cast off, it is really only dead leaves you don't need, that are missing. They are gone and have, in the going, fed you the distinct possibility of better, new times ahead.