Friendship Patina

Old friendships are often ones that are showing signs of wear. They are like precious metal that has the marks of time which grow only more unique and special as a result of aging. Some friendships along the way, end. They don't end through boredom or anger. They just lose their effect through the changes that time makes. Our childhood friends, the ones we played with, are ones we remember forever. We grew up together with all of the changes that only little friends can understand and share. Play is probably the secret to all good friendships at any age. Playing games or sports with others, makes for team work, and that's mainly what friendship is all about. We give and we take and we add ourselves to create something of value for both of us. Close friendships are the most complex. There are no secrets and everything is talked about. It's therapeutic.  Much as I might enjoy a friend's company, I find it hard to listen endlessly to  personal trials other than medical ones. Jealousies, rivalries, family angst and those sorts become a trial when they go on indefinitely. Sure, I will listen because that's what friends are for. But, "I don't want advice, all I want is to sound off" can be a test of friendship. We friends, however, continue to lend our ears, even though it is tiring and we fully know the answer to solving our friends' problems no matter how elusive they are. We daren't give that advice if we are good friends, for it may break the friendship rule of not pushing counsel. We're there to listen only. Friendships change when our friends move away. We resort to e mailing or phoning. Phoning is fine for a while but e mail is best. It doesn't require an immediate answer. Neither, is as good as being there. A couple of my friends from high school days continue to keep in touch at birthdays and Christmas, even though we haven't seen each other in person for decades. It's nice to know my old friends are still  somewhere as part of my history. And then there's death that completely ends friendships. These endings are the most difficult. Some of my dearest friends continued e mailing right through the  trials of their illness treatments such as radiation and chemo-therapy. They seemed to need  someone to talk to in the sort of impersonal manner that e mails offer. It frees them to say how they feel without  tears or frowns or hearing what they don't want to hear with someone facing them. It's a privilege.  People who are shut-in also seem to like this e mail arms-length method of saying things they wouldn't or couldn't say to anyone  present. As you age, and your circumstances change, friendships come as always, in varying styles. Some are  people you know little, others are fast friends or distant relatives and still others are people you are very close to. Some friends aren't of your tastes, or beliefs or gender, but all  can feel free to speak to you in friendship. Some messages are light and casual while others are deeply disturbing and there are also those that make you laugh. Each and every friendship is valuable and makes up a beautiful patina on the silver of one's pending years.