Perspective

Very clever physicists know how to explain the element of time and space. But it doesn't take an Einstein to know that given time, perspective increases. Being widowed presents, among other challenges, the matter of constantly assessing the past. At the beginning of the journey after losing a loved one, what often turns up is guilt. Sure, you recall the beautiful memories of which there are legion, but small guilts somehow creep in. You begin to question privately those little things that you did or said and they were not nice or they might have seemed harmful.  What did I not do? What could I have done? Why did I? Why didn't I? and so on. While we are aware that what we really did, is simply to live from day to day with all the natural I-am-going-to-live-forever actions that we all have, those niggling doubts creep in. It is human nature to want to improve everything and make life perfect. There is no perfect life. That feature of our natural being can be helpful or harmful, therefore, we have to harness it. After a death,there is no way to discuss things with the person who is gone. It's a one-sided conversation. But if that person were around, they would likely tell you that it was no big deal and to just forget it and get on with the life you are so lucky to have. Time gives one perspective the longer it goes on. Perspective can be a positive thing. Like the old perspective pictures in Art Class, the road, the telephone poles and all, end up far away on the horizon and finally disappear into a dot. That dot is a period that denotes "the end". It's not that you will forget the person that once was in your life, it's that now is now, having had the benefit of knowing the individual who was so dear. Nothing that you did during the course of that time with that person, was wrong or should cause guilt. Guilt is owned by the person who carries it. Grief can become positive and turn into only memories of the good times if you let it. What you think you did to cause guilt, died with the life that is gone. Only you keep those negatives alive. When you are ready to do it, you can imagine that you have dropped the guilt and have traveled onward a long way. Now, looking back, all there is, is  that tiny dot on the horizon. It's a very small dot. You are free now, and can move forward with all of your good memories.