Blaming Bullies

You've heard it, too: blamers blaming someone or something for the misery in their lives, be it large or small. They rant on for hours about what someone is doing to them, but have little or nothing to say about what they are doing to stop it, no matter what the cost. A friend of mine describes her husband as a monster and yet they have been together for over fifty years and reared a family in the midst of their horrendous marriage. When I managed to talk her into telling me why she put up with it, the answer was "it's easier to just go along with it and anyway, I need the financial support". Easier? What? How easy is fifty plus years of putting up with a bully of a man or in a man's case, a bully of a woman, eating up your valuable lifetime, staining it with misery. How easy is it for kids to witness, and unfortunately ape, that kind of situation? I don't like divorce any more than the next person, but bullying is something intolerable and it must stop. In the case of boss ogres, a well paying job is hard to leave, but hating and fearing to go to work daily, just isn't worth it. There are other jobs, other men, other women. If the offending parties cannot cure their sickness of needing to push others around, I guess the only way to solve it, is to leave the situation. Get out and stay out. There are too many safety options available now for women or men to allow bullying in their lives. We have shelters and doctors and policemen who are there to help. Not all are helpful, but seeking out one who is, is better than living in sorrow. We have one life, to quote the old saying, and it's all we have. Just one. Why live it in misery under the rule of a bully? Blame, unfortunately,  lies not only with the perpetrator in that kind of problem, it also lies with the person who does nothing about it. Fear? Yes, there is fear and a lot of it, especially when the children are dragged into the picture. Your children, however, need a full life, too, even with only one good parent. But fear shouldn't turn us into blobs of jelly. We are all equally worthy of a perfect life. There are times when, no matter what, we have to act to save our own lives. When your ogre of a boss treats you like a slave, it's you bending under the will of a bully.  Stress will destroy you sooner or later. Money isn't everything. Happiness and a peaceful existence, come first. Bullies have this interesting pattern, and it's written in stone. They treat their victims horrifically and then they turn around and become a wonderful, generous prince or princess, and give you their gifts of regret and promises and kind words, and back you go, right into the middle of the problem again. It's the last time, you say to yourself. But you know the fear that once again, as ever, the abuse will return just as it always has. You are the one who has to act. The bully won't stop, ever. Blame yourself for a change. Do what you need to do for yourself, and fix it.