End Results

Life ending is often a funeral. Many folks opt out of these "celebrations of life" and have a quiet family event during which there is much soul searching and personal sharing of memories and intimate good-byes. Other people want to have a larger affair to which everyone associated with the person who died, is invited. These are usually accompanied by food and drink, speakers and displays of remembrance. But that's only part of what will continue for months after a death, things that no one wants to think about, but that will happen. To be realistic and frank, both of the former involve costs that while different, are separate from the base expense of the death itself. The celebrations are not the only costs. It may appear unseemly to discuss,  but dying is expensive and not the wee amount you pay when you are quoted the fee to join a low-cost end-of-life company. To think that all you have to pay is the minimal ten or twenty dollars and that's it, is naive. But I have come across people who think that it is. That small amount, gives you access only to the services of the company. It does not pay them or the other costs that inevitably pile up. Cremation, transportation of the body, death certificates and consultations, funeral preparations of the body, burial plots or interment of ashes, legal matters involving notaries or lawyers, executor expenses and many others come into play. It's one of the harsh realities that often cause people to "crash". It's a good plan for the partner or spouse or dear one, to have a helper: a good friend or relative who can be with the person who has much to deal with other than the emotional impact after a death. I speak of this aspect because it was something that I dealt with even though I had a wonderful family to call on. I needed to deal with the matter myself. Or so I thought at the time. Now, I realize how much better it would have been, and how valuable personally, to invite those close to me to help. Some of us are very independent persons but the true nature of  mankind is to reach out to others. I say all this because at this stage of life, there are no golden days and years. It might seem easy to others whom we protect, but it can often be hugely uncomfortable and disturbing. But often, we fear allowing others in to what we consider is our own responsibility. We forget that living on this planet is sharing it, and all of us have the same situations occur in our lives, that step over all of the barriers we fear: economic, social, generational, cultural and  political ones. We are all human and loss is common. There are no fences in grieving. The bottom line is to prepare for the leaving of ourselves and for those who leave us. Endings can be made easier in facing the realities and meeting them honestly, thoughtfully and respectfully. It's work, and likely, the most important of our entire lives.