Sad Old Men

Old men are often sad old men. It's not that they are to blame, it's just that their lives have changed in ways they didn't realize would happen to them: widower-hood, being a caregiver to their spouse or having physical aberrations.  Perhaps it's a generalization, but from observations of my society, women seem more hardy when it comes to aging crises. I see old men sitting in malls gazing on passersby in solitary grief and longing. I see them eating alone in lower cost restaurants. It is evident that they do not cook for themselves or perhaps don't wish to.  Older women are usually in the company of other women they have befriended and appear to be happy. I worry about the older men. Statistically, older men when left alone, don't live as long as women. It shouldn't be that way. Many of the generation that is aging now, were families in which the female of the union, did the cooking, cleaning and caring for others while the "man of the house" went to work. He came home and had his laundry, cooking, cleaning and child care all done for him by his wife. In those days it was the way it was and no one seemed to mind but when his children left  the home and his wife died, he became lost. Blaming doesn't fix the situation. If there is no help for him to adjust to being on his own and having to learn routines that he didn't think he would have ever to carry out, he has a very difficult time of it. One hopes his family will see to it that he receives advice and caring help to either remain independent or to enter a suitable facility where he will find comfort. If alone with no family or friends, a shy man, can enter a very challenging and perhaps dangerous time in his life. Now that family is changing, and women work, children are in child care and there is no gender differentiation as to household duties as in the past, it would be interesting to see aging and its coming patterns ahead. But what about the older man now. When old men no longer drive and cannot get out to shop and don't know how to use electronics and are too fearful to learn, I see a problem. Hiring help is enormously costly for the average man and while he does what he can, it may not be enough to maintain good health and comfort. Social workers attempt to offer assistance but reaching all of those in need is impossible. Many men consider it unmanly to ask for help. They gradually fade into their shells and deteriorate unless someone pays attention. Your family member, your neighbour or acquaintance, if approached gently and with respect, will perhaps respond positively if you want to reach out. Sometimes just chatting or sitting with an elder in this situation, helps his spirits rise to a degree. I know some folks who offer food tokens  to someone in a lonely situation or pick up grocery items or take them to appointments and I admire them greatly. We must take care of each other.