The Bachelor Widow

Widowhood is different things to different widows. It isn't some kind of club where there are rules to follow and uniforms and lifestyle guides. Society, these days, doesn't have time to put up with a lot of grieving and hugging so a widow has to move on rather quickly and keep her woes to herself if she wants to function normally in a busy world. It is not to say that she is hard-hearted or ungrateful for empathies but all that fades after a year or two. Life is precious and she, the widow bachelor, of all people, realizes it. Or should. Young widows with children are apt to find a husband if they wish and older widows may, too, if they feel they want to take care of an older man but many of us are content to follow the path that karma has set before us and travel down that pathway alone. Life can be pleasant doing what we please how we please when we please. Once the adjustment to loneliness happens and it does, there seems no value in moaning since life is rather a short haul. The situation may be called freedom - of a sort. Marriage or its close kin is an honorable state especially when children are involved and "family" is operating. But when you are beyond that stage and on your own, widow bachelorhood can be very appealing. Your life is entirely up to you and suddenly you are not, as in your first experience on your own when you had a mom and dad overseeing all you did, or a room mate to contend with, or later, a husband with whom cooperation and compromise were necessary, beholden to another. All matters stop with you and it is quite a heady experience. Some widows do the Queen Victoria and spend the rest of their lives bemoaning their state while others use their time roiling about looking for a man to marry. Why I don't know.  Still others of us put our feet up with a cup of coffee in  hand and read until we feel like stopping or write until the ideas fade or fiddle with paint or fabric or flour. No one  says "let's go", "I need", "where's my" or "is that done yet?" and while the day may appear dull, there is something about a clear road ahead with the gloom fading behind, that makes it a non-stop holiday. For certain, there may be some male friendship and/or love interests but saying ta ta at the end of the date or visit and soloing into your own space again, inspires a sense of self unlike no other. Widow bachelors know it.