In Trust

Sometimes you don't trust and you believe you have reasons. There has been a suspicion lurking in your mind. You tell yourself, there is history here. That person betrayed a trust previously, therefore, it is likely to happen again. You find all sorts of evidence for your feelings. You spend nights thinking about how you can learn if you are right or wrong about your growing doubt. You begin to observe, to find evidence to support your thoughts that you are being betrayed. You know it's crazy but your emotions get in the way and you become trapped in a kind of hell that roils around in your mind and begins to take over your usual sense of balance and reason. Finally, you make a decision based on your paranoia and confront the issue harshly with the individual only to hear denials or possibly anger that shuts down any further chance of communication that would give you some relief. That's exactly what you wanted to avoid but here you are left with nothing but further frustration and worse, enveloped in a thoroughly negative environment that you alone have created. That is how distrust can take over your life and ruin it. So given that, how do you rebuild yourself. Hard as it will be, given your penchant for not trusting, you have to glean what belief you have in your good side. You have to learn to trust yourself first and to believe in yourself before you can do that with anyone else. List all the good things about yourself and your life. What do you do that is great? What do you do that has been successful? What are your talents and abilities? Forget the downside and the past and start right here. Now you are bigger than suspicion. You have value and worth. You can overlook others who have a negative influence on your life. What they do is their problem, not yours. You are fine. You don't need anything more than what you are and what you have. If others want to be with you, they enter your world. You promise yourself, you will never look to what someone can for you but what you can do for yourself and for others. Trust is you. It is all you want and all you need.