A Man Is A Man Is

A man's a man for a' that says Shaw and he's right. A man's a man and nothing more. There are some women who harm their own dignity by assuming that "their" man is their god. They live their lives in the shadow of a man forgetting that they, too, have worth. This is not to say that women wed to powerful men live in the shadow of his fame, but that they must constantly be aware that while their men are needful of their support, they are a person of equal human value. This kind of woman must be especially conscious of that fact as she walks beside, not behind, the person she has vowed to "love and honour". She does not obey; she cooperates. On the other hand, there are women who, sadly, change when they mate and make their lives, their man. They morph into someone else and leave all that they were gladly. And while that is an early romantic gesture, romance of that kind is relatively temporary. It's not a cynical outlook, it is simply a truth. Romance is replaced when it fades, by all sorts of other wonderful things but, it is always dangerous to make one's life solely that of another's. First of all, it would be devastating due to a loss of that individual. It means trying to find oneself amidst a morass of what was and not was is or what should be. Over and over again, divorcees, widows and those "broken-up" with a man, are left bereft even if they are the ones who decided to leave the relationship. It seems that the nature of woman in most cases, is to give, to serve and to go beyond caring and almost disappear themselves in their love for another.  I have widow friends who tell me they have lost not only their man, but themselves: "I was one of a couple and now my friends have gone. Who am I?" Somewhere along the way in their lives, they have submerged their own ids into that of their partner's, and in doing so, have lost who they are. Finding that lost personality takes a good deal of time and effort. Sometimes it is overwhelming, but the you that is you, never quite disappears entirely. It's a bit like tea. While tea leaves look unidentifiable as what were once leaves, put a little water on them and they return. In their way. It takes steeping and perhaps that's what these woman have to do. Add a little time and a lot of thought and the lost can and will be found once again. It's too bad, though, that often bonding in marriage or a partnership we  disappear into the other and gradually forget and lose who we are as  individuals. It seems to me that those who retain their own self rather than sinking it into someone else entirely, might also be more interesting people. Growth can still occur while keeping who you are and expressing that worthy person, even though engaging in a union of two.  The union means the addition of another to your life experience, not leaving what you were behind, but melding the newness of this person to you so that you have the joy of a committed companion along on your life's journey.