Sneaky Abuse

There's overt abuse that is seen and before now, seldom spoken, but there is another worse kind that is invisible. Abusers know how to wield their ugly powers and this kind of abuse can't be detected by the police or welfare workers, or often, friends or family. It's like a creeping blood disease and the users of this kind of abuse, are masters of it. Let me give you an example: the abuser puts on an anger display or temper tantrum to create the effect he or she desires to gain power over others. It is the kind of emotional drama that eats away at its victims and allows for an awesome power to the one doing it. He or she uses the victim's emotional vulnerability to arm his weapon. Ways to end it, if possible, are complicated and often need professional help to make it stop, but first, just knowing what it is, helps. Lots of victims are not willing to be aware, even though they suffer this sort of "quiet" abuse. The victim is controlled emotionally by his own nervous system that he lets slowly and innocently, become destroyed by the perpetrator or abuser. One example I have seen is anger display by a man who knows exactly what he is up to. He puts on a dreadful scene of ire at social events, with language that is crude and loud. He is not alcoholic or violent other than his words. He uses anger display to embarrass his victim, his mate or relative, so that they will do anything to avoid having it happen again. The abuser I know, if anyone disagrees with him or he wants to "punish", will put on a loud and abusive show with words or tossings of things or fist bangings on tables, anything to embarrass his spouse in this case. She cries and runs off, and in future, terrified that he will do this again, and therefore, does anything to avoid it happening. She used to have a social life of entertaining family and friends at their home, but now does not, because of his displays. And her emotional reactions to it. They seldom have people in, and if so, only for a very short and very tense period that is uncomfortable for all parties. The husband, has social control over his wife and he knows it. She is afraid that he will embarrass her and thus she has even given up her family  because he might put on one of his tantrums that she thinks, makes her look bad. He, a one-time physical abuser until stopped by police, is successful, in that, in his mind, he now has his mate all to himself and under his control in a different way. He threatens to perform his outbursts even when she goes out for a time on her own, so that now he controls that, also. He has successfully, cut her off from a part of her life that should be hers. What is sad, is that she can do something about it and only she can. Why doesn't she? For one thing, the situation would end in some sort of financial mess or divorce or family crisis and she is a peaceful person caught in a netted trap that she thinks she cannot escape from. She can, but fears to. It's a huge step to take. But, by doing nothing, she is abusing her own right to happiness. She must take that difficult step by herself. It is but another one of life's very hard choices.