Big Small Talk

In this holiday season and at parties galore, there is no reason to be bored. What is called "small talk" is actually large, and can be broadening experiences. There's nothing better at a party, if you can hear yourself, than tucking up to someone else who is looking kind of bored, and having conver. Getting started with a stranger, also a guest, is easy. What they wear, their hair, do they know the host, are they in the neighbourhood, are starters. Do not ask where they are from or if have they been here before or what they do for a living. Why does it matter? Here you both are, so start with that. It doesn't have to be a critiquing session about the room, the people, the party itself. It should be all about who you are face to face with. One-to-one chats, are not things to be interrupted. If you go to a party in someone's home, ditch the phone. Phones and socializing do not go together. The rudest and most annoying words to hear when you are with someone, are such cellular things as "do you mind" or "I have to take this" or "excuse me". Turn the phone off when you enter the party room door. Please. Keep talk about things, not people, and certainly not a whit of jesting comment about others in the room, no matter how tempting it may be. That sort of chit chat gets into the catty category. And unless you are actually a cat, it doesn't go over well. Almost everyone likes to talk about themselves and your introductory personal question will probably lead to an interesting picture of the individual you are looking at. They do not want to hear an exchange on your life info unless they ask, so don't volunteer it.  If they take out their cell phone, it's the end of the chat. Leave, and search out someone else. At a recent party, there was the food table to do exchange on. Things like: are you into cooking? What's your favorite restaurant around here? Have you tasted the great name-it on the table? All good appetizers to further small talk. Small talk is like reading a person book. While sipping and nibbling last night, I spoke with someone who gave me his history from start to finish. It just rolled out. His life as a flyer, was amazing. When his pretty wife beckoned him away, I felt as though I knew him well. On turning to my right, and remarking to a woman that she seemed to have an English accent, got me into her life story. She was a traveler. Then, in the kitchen, a gentleman discussed chili making contests and how he did his chili pots. Others gathered around, and the session became a recipe exchange. One quiet lady in the corner began telling me about her volunteer work when I commented as I sat down, that I saw she found a quiet corner. That's all it took for her to launch into what she did at the animal rescue centre. I learned about a place I passed often and had wondered about for years.  By the time the evening ended, I can't say I made a lot of friends because I didn't go out to do that, but I certainly did enjoy a large number of stories by people I might never meet again. The tales of their own lives enriched mine. It made mere small talk, very big.