Woman Not Widow

The label widow should have a time limit. That may sound heartless but then, I happen to be a realist but not a "hard hearted Hannah". From a long marriage into a new kind of life, you find one that  fosters an independence that is almost heady and takes getting used to. At first you think you can't do it, but you can. When your husband or partner dies, there is a time of sadness and loneliness but it doesn't last very long. Life gets in the way. You don't have time to sit around and cry. If you didn't manage the household before, you do now. All of it, not just managing your career and your house, but also the accounting, the relatives, the day to day, the recreation, the car. All of it. It's yours and there is no one else around to moan, groan and fight with over it. All the decisions are yours. When one sets aside the grief, which I didn't do much of because, it is, frankly, a waste of the years you have left. Living life is not about the past, it's about the present and your future. You get over the loneliness and begin to rather like making all the decisions. You might even take up a romantic interest. Death doesn't take that feeling away, folks. And I hope the kids are listening. You are not insulting any memories. Where you are now, has nothing to do with the past. Every day is new. Some of my friends take a different viewpoint and weep a lot. I do sometimes, but not often and if so, privately. I am not a widow, I am the woman in the store buying groceries for the week, shopping for a new pair of shoes, searching out an honest mechanic, learning how to fix little things around the house or calling someone who does. I am not knocking on my neighbour's door begging for a nice man to fix the roof or drains or the knock in my car engine. I say that because my neighbours are very fine people, but they have their own lives to live. I found out when left on my own, that it doesn't take brawn to do things around the house and no one fixes their cars now anyway. The computers in them won't stand for it. Sure I am alone and it's quite wonderful in many ways. Loneliness is a state of mind, not a tangible thing to grasp and hold. With the vast number of things to choose to do these days, that, too, is a myth. What you do find, is yourself. When you married a long time ago, you found someone to share your life with and you became half of a whole. When you are left alone, you find that your half is, indeed, whole. It's quite a surprise when you discover the you that is you. You either follow the same old ruts or you step off the path and learn that there are other choices. If you are very lucky, you will find a lover or perhaps just a dear, dear friend kind of partner to stroll along beside. You learn that marriage isn't exclusive in keeping this kind of relationship alive. A close, even intimate friendship, with someone easy, is an enlightening experience. You are mature and can handle whatever is presented. When you were younger, perhaps you found these emotional matters difficult, but having had a good marriage, or perhaps even one that wasn't, teaches you things that you didn't realize you learned. I am not a widow. Don't label me with a death image. I am a single woman and doing fine, thank you very much.