Dead Right

Of course, the dead can't speak but most of us who lose someone  and we are left, do a lot of talking with the dead. It's natural because most of the time during the dying phase, there isn't a lot to say because of conditions. "Conditions" might mean physical or perhaps emotional. Some who are dying like to talk a lot and others, not at all. Both parties could think they don't think it appropriate to talk about such matters. And I am not about to advise such as "getting it all out there before it's too late". No, it isn't that easy and it isn't that correct. Like everything else you play it by ear. You are with a dying person letting them call the topics to talk about and you are there to listen. The words you hear may not make sense, thus the after-talk does.  I am a widow whose dear mate went a long time ago but who hasn't entirely left. His last days were somewhat verbal but not all of it made sense due to the medications that thankfully, eased any pain. Speaking of  dying pain, I am a firm believer that no one needs to die in pain. We have the drugs that are out there used by hospice doctors who care, and they will use them if that's what the person ending, wishes. The dying have the choice.  And these days, there are also plans that permit some to decide on a specific time and date to leave this earthy bond. It doesn't all end at the memorial, because questions arise after, perhaps much later, by those who try and understand the life that went and why and how - it always feels like "too soon". There are after-conversations that can take place any time of the day or night, sometimes long ones and others, short.  Some of these after-talks are deep and serious because in life, they weren't possible to have for one reason or another. In life, we don't always have the ability to "open up" and say everything that needs saying. But it's easier to have  that conversation afterward. I don't know what conversation you didn't have with your loved one, but I know mine. It's taken many years for me to deal with it all. And I didn't have a bad time. I happen to be one of the lucky ones, who lived for fifty-four years with one of the dearest souls. But, in life, we don't always get right into the bottom of things. I didn't. You likely, didn't. It's human. We rather put aside those chats for one reason or another but after death, wow, you can say what you should have and all of it. Most of the time, it's the nice things you should have said but didn't even though you wanted to. And sometimes, it's the not-so-nice things. They just didn't come out. Or up. But after a death is over, you can say everything, all of it, and as much as you like. Listening is kind of important, too. Yes, it's possible. You just have to listen carefully. What would the person have answered? Would it be what you wanted to hear or not? It can't hurt anyone now, so go for it. Say it all but be sure to think on what the effects would have been if you said it, then. Would it have been well received? Would there be a debate? You can  take sides, both of them, and see how that would work. Talking to the dead, is okay because, whether admitted of not, it happens all the time. And it's truly therapeutic and often successful for the mind.  Try it, no shame, no blame. There is no ticking clock.