Finding You

Widowhood is like nothing else, not even male widowerhood with offers of casseroles, comfort and dinners. People expect widows to be able to go it alone. After all "they" were the ones who "took care of everyone else" when they had their mates around. Most of the latter is true simply because the widow did take care of everyone else then. She had to. Now is something different. Her partner was around to share the burden, if not physically, at least in spirit. That support has gone and gone forever. It's not like breaking up with someone who was a longtimer, it's like losing gravity. You can't just call up and say, hi or would you help me with this or gosh, I'm down, I need to talk with you, please. No. It's like stepping into emptiness and solitary confinement. There is no one to call or write or cling to even in imagination. All you have is you. But, you might protest, you have family and friends. While that is true, it is not the same and anyway who wants to foist burdens on those you love. And often you find that the "love" you had in those areas, is not the sort of thing you thought it was. Family and friends have their own lives and here you are, stuck with just yourself. Hello self, you say one day, who are you? In the past, you were part of someone else. All your important decisions were shared. All of your activities depended on, not only your needs, but those of someone else. All that taken into consideration, now it is time to find the you that is you. I call it My Second Life. The First Life is over and the next one is just forming. How do you begin? I have yet to find a manual. For me, it has been a solitary journey that evolves day by day, need by need and event by event. I don't get it right always, but by golly, it's my life. Not the family, nor the friends nor the kindly professionals can do this one for me. When I look back at the path I have trodden, one of my own making, I am happy. It isn't perfect, but it is mine, directed and produced by me, and I love it. All respects to Life One, Life Two doesn't make a bad sequel.