Just Friends?

Men and women cannot be "just friends" if they were once together. An ex often has a tenacious dependency on a former relationship, one that he or she can't leave alone. The excuse is  "but I am just being friendly with my former and there's nothing wrong with that". Sadly there is.  It is wanting to bookmark oneself, to keep the hope going subconsciously, that perhaps there will be a rekindling of the old relationship and everything will fall back into place once again. The tragedy is that it will not happen for all the reasons that caused it to end in the first place.  So why, you ask, why do the former partners allow it? They do so, if they do, out of guilt and pity. It is hard to be cruel to someone who was formerly in a relationship with you. Most people can't just say, leave me alone and get on with your life, even if they want to. All relationships old or new have something memorable and those memories are not always easily erased. But like so many other things we meet, good memories do not a lifetime make. Some people stay together agreeably all their lives and others can't stick to one relationship without faltering. As life changes, some people do not and the couple begins to drift apart slowly. When the relationship finally ends, the break-up pain doesn't go away easily. Most people move on eventually but some cling any way they can because they fear a new beginning. They have been yoked for so long, they have lost themselves. Instead of finding out who they are, they keep their old attachment open by saying, I miss you and I need to contact you - just to be friendly. It doesn't work that way. Until each one of us moves on and cuts the "cord" there is no re-birth, no new life.  Keeping in contact keeps the wounds open.  It takes great courage to dive off the ten foot board and plunge into the deep waters of the unknown but like the brave diver, one can come up after doing it and feel cleansed and ready to celebrate a victory of self- discovery. Worth a try because you matter, not what you were but what you are.