Finding You

A couple of weeks ago, a friend of mine lost a life partner and is alone. She is on a journey now, of finding herself after decades of being half a loving relationship. When a death happens, as in this situation, it's not a choice of "finding" yourself. You must. None of us want to imagine that, one day, we will be gone. We take for granted that we can think, move and socialize one day, and the next, we are no more. It's impossible to imagine. But we are gone and it is those who remain who have the work to do. Filling the space left by someone who died is a process. The truth is, that you can't "fill" it. You have to go on all by yourself, even if you have support. One of the best ways to move on, is to entertain the thought that, on the way, you are going to find a new you. And the best thing about it, is that you have control and can begin, or stop, or delay the finding of your new life, exactly the way you wish. No longer, is there someone to help you work it out, or give you wise or otherwise welcome or not,  advice. You're the boss now. And it doesn't matter how many people around you who think they are going to do this for you, try. They can't. It's your life. All the decisions are yours whether others realize it or not. While the road ahead might be rocky or smooth is something unpredictable, because even the best highways have their cracks. Inside you, are all the tools you need to proceed, and while you will listen and nod and smile or perhaps frown at what happens in your environment, you are only you, and you're in control. The long term bond that you were cast out of very recently, is no long there, and here you are at the entrance of a new you in the making. This is your chance at a second chance, whatever that might be. If your former life was in a certain pattern because there were two of you, this is the time to go onward in your own way, with no consultation necessary. Sure. You might make mistakes but they're your mistakes and only you can fix them and that's okay. You will know how to do it on your own. Human beings have a wonderful capacity for invention, innovative action, creative planning and the execution of plans. If you face a huge life change when your former union ended, you are given actually, whole new start. It may be a harder road ahead but it's possible.  When what I call "my first life" ended with a death, I had a chance without regretting any of the "first life", to begin the next one. Not everyone around me agreed with my direction, but I didn't want to waste any time getting on with my journey. I carried with me, the heart of my first life as comfort, but not to dictate my new decisions. The learning period began and there was legion to learn. I had to depend on the me that was me, entirely. Life was not going to be about grieving and regret, but about an adventure that lay ahead. Being older, I didn't have time to waste. And a decade later, now, I am someone different and the same, but of my choosing. I trust my friend will find her "You".