Zip It

Prior to 1851, a lot of time was wasted doing up. Zippers or their kin had not been invented. Even Elias Howe didn't know we would shorten the name for his invention: the Automatic Continuous Clothing Closure. If you think his were like today's zippers, alas, they were sadly lacking. Yes, there were teeth that meshed. Sort of. Before Elias entered your life, when you went off to a call of nature behind closed doors, in those days, it took a long time before you emerged again. Think of your great grandmother's wedding dress with all those buttons down the back. People had patience. They had to. Then again, they had button hooks. But zippers hadn't reached their heydays until BF Goodrich decided to make zipping a lot easier, way along into the next century. Unfortunately, not for use to zip tires off and on. Wouldn't that be nice? When they released their latest version of the zipper, all sorts of related models entered the market. Garment makers put them in the back for a smooth effect on women's wear, men's attire became quicker, handbags and tents alike were zipping merrily along until today you wouldn't know what to do without a zipper. Eschewing velcro. But no zipper is infallible. We are thankful for zippers in the dead of winter when little junior comes in, all snow-covered needing to use the facilities and fast. On the other hand, we don't miss them when going out to catch the school bus and a little zipper gets stuck. Or when your jacket suddenly sports a zip that gives up. The other day when I decided to zip up my favorite old sweater, as I closed from the bottom, it opened at the same rate. That's one zipper that is finished. And who else is going to sew a  zipper into an ancient, failing cardigan? That's too complicated for me, someone who failed Grade Eight sewing class. And we didn't take zippers, anyway, until Grade Nine. I opted for Biology at that point besides Cooking came next, and I already knew how to do pork chops. Zippers were here to stay but how?  Zippers at the side, for a long time, looked as though skirts caused a growth on left hips. Left handed people who had to manage that kind of closure were relieved when someone put lady zippers at the back. Eureka. Gone was the lumpy left look! However, with the zippers in the back, even a contortionist could possibly crack a vertebrae trying to pull them up when they stuck. To avoid injury, I used to swing my skirt around to the front, fix the zip and then and then swing it back. Those were the days when hips and waists equalled each other. Someone came along with the new coloured zippers that would supposedly disappeared in the sewing if you were lucky enough to find the perfect hue. And next, were the hidden zippers that looked a wee bit like the seam they lived in. Not all stitchers could hide them very well, however. And finally to all feminists' joy, zippers went front and forward. Men knew all about that convenience and finally women had caught on. Jeans were here to stay - and stay and stay.  But all zippers  I have ever heard of are not perfect. Nothing is more frustrating than a broken zipper. We continue to wait for the super zipper.