When You're A Widow- Take Charge

For the next while, this blog will be about "when" you are a widow. Not "if" but "when". Most of us women, will be widows because nature provided that we, the stronger of a couple, will last longer because we are the half that will be able to handle it best. Widowers don't fare as well. They are more dependent upon having a woman "do" for them while we women whether we are career women or not, are copers. We cope with bearing and caring for children while taking most of the burden of running the household, plus a job or career, in most cases. And while you may run screaming around that it isn't so, that your spouse does equal time, that honestly isn't the way I see it happening. But I must admit there are some widowers out there who do take on the role of everywoman, so listen in guys if you are one of them. First there is a death and if you think you can hie off to some corner to weep all day long, the answer is no. There is just too much to do and it begins with day one of your widowhood. Whether you have  family that hovers over you, you are the person who must make the decisions about what to do with "the body". It comes down to the hard facts just like that term, "the body". Your man, the one who took care of you all those years and headed up the household for the most part or was your hand-in-hand partner is no longer there and the buck stops at you. Those are the facts. Reality sets in very quickly. There are papers to sign and send off. The dining table soon becomes the repository for all the paper work that must be done within a time frame. The memorial service or funeral are your decision along with that of your family but my advice is to grab hold of the reins right off. Take the advice "under consideration" and do it your way. You are the principal, not your kids or other relatives. It is your time, your grief and your responsibility. It is also a time when emotions run high and here you are the one most affected but it is your ability to hold it together that will carry all the others through. Let's hope that your close ones will respect your way of doing things because you are the one who will have to live with the results while they go on with their own lives when the dust settles. No pun intended.  Some women fall apart and that's okay, too, but when the tears stop for awhile, there is work to be done and it is your work. The tax department, the pension committee, the insurance companies, the land titles office, the credit card companies and on and on, all demand their due. If you have  a good funeral plan, the folks working there will help you with a kit they sell for a price that is worth every cent. They know what is required because they are the professionals, the experts. Make sure you can trust them, of course. So there is lesson one. Take charge, even if you have never done so previously. It is hard but not impossible. Millions of women have been right where you are. You are not alone.